I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my god brother, who’s in Singapore at the moment, about expectations. One of the things he told me about is that people whom you meet, or hang out with always has a motive, an expectation. “Everybody has one, even I. Having a great time is one.” I replied back.
It came to my realization that we all have some sort of expectations about ourselves or the world around us. The degrees or type of expectation vary differently for everyone but some hold them strongly on themselves and when it doesn’t go their way, they get frustrated or angered… Some even resort to violence. I used to be one of those people who want everything to go my way, and when I don’t, I get angry.
Whenever I go, I see people telling me what they expect from me and the society. It makes me think, as a female in this society, we have been conditioned to think differently from the opposite sex, and to like the things that girls should like. Someone who is very close to me, is the complete opposite of myself, very feminine, listens to authority, dependent on men, and can’t take care of herself. Our expectations of what a female should be and behave are completely different. She expects that a man should bring her to fun places and show her new things. I expect myself to bring me to anywhere I want without needing a man to show me new places or things. Our level of caring differ very much that she will risk her happiness to make the others happy while I won’t risk my happiness to make others happy.
Am I selfish? Heroes you see on TV are unselfish people, and they will risk their life at nothing to save the other person lives. Heroes should sacrifice their happiness to make others happy because that’s the thing to do. However, we look down on people who looks out for their happiness as selfish, a prick and a loser because that’s what they are portray in the movie. We make a quick snap judgment on a person because of a situation they do not comprehend fully. We make up stories of a person without analysing everything. I’ve been on this boat for too long where I’ve been holding on expectations on people about me and what I should do.
I came to realized that the image I’ve build on myself has been mostly shaped by people around me. They will expect me to act a certain way and when I sometimes don’t, I shatter their whole world apart for a few seconds. If I have to behave a certain way because that’s what a woman should be doing and think the way they think I should be acting, they are not going to have it. Something on Ted.com has taught me that what we say and do on certain circumstance will be shaped by our wisdoms (Our experience in life). Through that, we will be able to act whenever the situations may be. However, I don’t mean to say not to follow the rules but to let go of some expectations. The ones that you believe strongly you shouldn’t follow, in order to be able to make rooms for the ones you judge that you can make both people in the same situation happy. Happiness, I strongly believe, should be your first priority. Many consider it selfish but I mean the genuine kind, the one that truly brings you joy and makes you sleep well at night.
To answer my question: Am I selfish? I’m not.