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Personal thinking

Uncomfortable with silence

I remember when I was up in the Yellow Mountain in China, I would hear nothing but my breathing which was scary for someone like me who is used to noises. Whenever I get silent moments like this, I get very uncomfortable and agitated. The longer the silence is, the more nervous I feel. Am I scared at my own presence?

The answer is yes, I am frighten at the thought of dealing with myself. Probably the reason why I have to be busy all the time, and I was also raised that way. When my family is at home, they always make noises… lots of it. I remember I told my dad to be more quiet a couple of times, “deal with it” or “learn to work with noises” is what my dad will always respond to me.

Even if I have quiet moments like today, I notice I have to hear something and just anything. The way I do it whenever I have quiet moments at home is to open the heater to the max, surf the net, listen to music, walk around and doing other things non-related to school. As a consequence, I have troubles concentration on one specific task…and I have a habit of multi-tasking. My brother is also having the same problem as well. It’s the total opposide when I’m comfortable with silence: my concentration is much better and  I become more efficient at everything I do.

I think that I should find a quiet place to unwind in the future… Do some hiking, skiing or find anything that is quiet. Then, I might be able to do  better in school.

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